wildkotetsu | 5 • Wild Tiger • [Action]

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5 • Wild Tiger • [Action]

[He wakes up groggily from the sedatives and decides it's entirely fine to try to walk with what's left of it in his system.

The first thing he doesn't notice is that instead of walking on two feet, he's staggering around on four; the reason being, he's just a silly old tiger, one with poor memory and very poor human skills, possibly because he has none whatsoever; the train of thought a human would have is lost on him—there are trees and he knows they are good for scratching claws on. There's snow on the ground from a night's snow a few days prior, and he's aware it's wet and cold.

He's also aware of something squeezing his wrist uncomfortably. He gnaws the shit out of his watch before he gives up and let's it stay on his kitty wrist, accompanying a extremely-stretched bracelet of beads.

And he's hungry. And still tired. Mmm... Sleep is good.

sleeping tiger, unhidden tiger

There might be a tiger finding a place to sleep around you; be it in your room—a window or an opened door, perhaps—in your bed, on your couch. There might be a wild jungle cat just sleeping it up. There might be one out on the path curled up snoozing. Or... for some people, he might recognize your house or apartment and sneak in to sleep in your abode or on your step.

Either way, there's a tiger with green wings hanging around.

Or.

You may wake up to find a strange sound in the morning... The sound of shuffling, of glasses breaking, of cupboards and fridges being broken. That is because this confused tiger, caught between its natural and unnatural side, can't for the life of him figure out how he works this thing or how he recognizes the shapes of certain objects. Like handles. Which he breaks pretty easily. He's a big-ass creature, you know.

Walking in may reveal wraps and plates and misc. things on the floor; he's possibly enjoying a nice uncooked chicken breast or ripping your cereal box to shit. In fact, he might just bust into the restaurant, grocery store, or any other place with food so that he can devour it.

Don't worry, though. He's a pretty friendly tiger, for the most part; as in, he won't try to eat you. Because as animal as he is, he hasn't forgotten what he is: that thing being that he's a dumb but relatively heroic fella. His hazy mind vaguely recalls this strange desire... Can't go beating people up and ripping out their innards, y'know.]

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[Awww, don't be a sore loser about it. He cautiously struts back over, bumping his forehead into Sanji's arm. We cool, man? Oiiii, Sanji, don't be all grumpy about it, I was just teasing. :(]

[... He really hopes you're not secretly a villager, or he'll have a hard time explaining later why his hand gradually migrates over to your ears and starts scratching behind them.

Sue him; he likes cats. Even stupid ones that act suspiciously human at times.]

[Ooooh, yes, that's the spot.

... You're so hosed when I turn back into a dopey human guy.

Once they're out of the area Sanji seeks so carefully to guard, Kotetsu takes the hint and finally tromps around heavily, looking up at the chef as if he's asking permission to be a total forest-wrecker.

MAAA, COME ON, ALL THESE TREES AND FURRY ANIMALS AND GRASS TO EAT.]

[Give him a second. He needs to double-check and make sure they're in the clear - not a flower in sight - before he turns to Kotetsu in mild exasperation. His eyes briefly close as he pulls out a fresh cigarette, bringing it to his lips and muttering around it]

Do what you want, idiot.

[OH GOOD, because I had to piss like a racehorse. Don't mind me over here behind the bushes. He trots back over, plops down on the grass, and lifts his paw up gingerly toward Sanji.

Oi.

Oi you.

Oi.

Come here, curly. Hey.]

[While Kotetsu is doing his business, Sanji warms his hands in his pockets and contemplates taking off. The flower field is safe and while he hasn't yet figured out if the tiger is a villager or New Feather... well, shit, it's a fuckin tiger. That counts for something, right?

But then he's back before the chef can make a decision, lifting his paw like he wants something.

... Alright. He carefully steps over, equal parts curious and cautious. The tiger won't hurt him - that much is certain - but Sanji doesn't feel like getting trolled either and having to kick that orange ass]

What?

[He wrinkles his nose...

and slaps that cigarette in half.

`_` it smelled disgusting.]

[Oh hell no.]

You wanna die, you shitty throw rug?!

[...

He

slaps a paw over the destroyed cigarette

and grinds it out with his pad

`__` p o k e r f a c e]

[Note to self: Light another cigarette before the day is through and blow the smoke straight up his shitty nose.

Until then, he'll have to be satisfied with clonking his shoe over the tiger's head.]

[OWOWOWOWOW

BACK TO COWERING AND WHIMPERING I'M SORRY GEEZ. Maybe if I hide under my paws long enough you won't hit me anymore. It's not my fault that smelled awful! щ(ﾟДﾟщ)]

That's what you get, asshole! [yes, you're the asshole here. REMEMBER IT.

He's about to pull out another nicotine stick, too, so tough shit] And don't give me that damn whimpering. What kind of tiger are you? [Opening carton, groping for a stick... and groping... more groping...

...

It's around the fourth go-around that he finally pulls it up to inspect its emptiness, curly eyebrow twitching, just in case there's one hiding in the corner. But nope. Nada. That had been his last one.]

I'm feeding you to Luffy.

[Look who is bathing in the sunshine, oblivious to your threats.

Man, the weather sure is nice out here. Maaaa, he feels so chill.]

[Oh. That's cool, that's cool.

... Hope you like sunbathing by yourself, because this is the part where Sanji abandons you for more tigerless pastures. Kotetsu can find his own way back into town.]

...

[--Hey!!

W-where are you going?

Oi, wait up for me!

/tromp tromp tromp]

Why don't you find someone else to tag behind?! [/STOMP STOMP STOMP]

[He flicks his ears back at that, but... hardly sways him off his beaten path. HOPE YOU LIKE TIGERS FOLLOWING YOU HOME, THEN. Because he doesn't seem to have any intentions on doing otherwise.]

Look, I'm not your shitty owner. [It appears his grumpiness has grown exponentially without those cigarettes to regulate his temper]

You're gonna have to find your own place.

[Sorry, did you say something? I'm still PERSISTENTLY FOLLOWING YOU.

Or have you forgotten I no hablo English? Silly chef.]

[Then it's time for plan B.

After a second's glance, Sanji jumps off the ground and lands on the branch of a sturdy tree.]

[He... sits under the branch, tail waving pleasantly. Oblivious to Sanji's clear desire for him to get lost.

Oi!! Whatcha' doing, playing a game? 8D]

[Yes, Kotetsu. It's called Catch Me You Stupid Shit. Here are the rules:

Sanji hops tree to tree like he doesn't give a rat's ass.

You follow like you don't realize how eager your buddy wants you gone.

Catch him and maybe you'll win a prize! But the stakes are high, so ready...

Go.]

[YOU JERK—

He runs after the leaping figure, nearly tripping over his own feet, hopping over logs with a surprisingly long jump... No NEXTing yet, at least. But his stamina, while good for a tiger, is still a tiger's. He'll slowly but surely start falling behind.

HUFF PUFF ;~;

ALMOST—]

[WHAM

That is the sound of a tiger running right into a tree in his attempt to keep his eyes on the darting figure. There's just a small yelp before he flops over belly-up.

I am defeated.

I am dead.

You've killed me.

Tell Barnaby I'm sorry I got cat hair on his couch.]

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